2:40 am.

I miss you Dad, I miss you Mom. If only for one day or one night we could see each other again. The overwhelming pain sneaks up on me from time time, honestly, lately its been almost daily. I miss you both. I am a Dad now and a husband. I kicked the alcohol bug Mom I picked up when you got sick. I still sometimes want to run away, that feeling that only an extra 5th can cloud off. September 21st I will be proud of that 5 years. I really want to see you again. Did you know I have a great family, I have a new little boy named Tatem Neil, Dad we named him after you. I am so so sorry you can't hold him, I want you to hold him. I miss terribly for Taryn the fun wedding trips with you and Kathy, she loved getting out with you. I miss our conversations so much and your help. My house is so far from finished, I almost call you daily about it. Your not here though.. I really want to see you again. Mom I thought my journey of going through your death would prepare me for Dad passing away, nope, and was I ever wrong. I honestly feel like I may have never mourned. I really want to see you again. Did you know it's 2:40 am. I am not sleeping tonight, did you know I am scared I might get cancer some day and leave early... honestly, that doesn't scare me, do you know what does? That feeling I have being shared with, Kristy, Taryn and Tate having that same longing that same emptiness.  Hey do you think you could come back, I really would like to see you again. Did you know that we have attained our dream house.. Did you know it feels empty without you Mom and Dad... Hey Dad, Grandma is in an assisted living facility, she had a stroke when she found out you were going to pass. They made a decision she would be safer there. She called me a billion times a day, and so I stopped going to see her. Going to see her reminds me of you, it makes me cry... I don't go and see her anymore. I am embarrassed by my weakness.. Really, really could I see you again? My eyes right now are clouded with tears, I am tired, I am real tired. God could you save me, could you really free me from this, cast, almighty, these thoughts away, please release me of this tension.. God could I really see Mom and Dad again.. Jesus you died for my sins, could you please speak to me, can you speak to me in my dreams, could you send Mom and Dad in my dreams. I want to speak with them today, I really want to see them again.. Can I see them again. God thank you for my new friends, I really needed them.. God can I tell you something.. I am angry, I am so angry they are gone, I am not sure I am angry at you or angry at myself.. I really want to see them again.. God please help me. Can I see them again?